you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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