how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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