bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
