You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
