I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
