I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
