Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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