Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?