This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree