First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
