your thong is hanging out like whoa
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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