Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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