Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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