i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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