tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
