You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
