He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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