glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
