I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
should my penis look like a turkey
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
