Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
