I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize