Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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