I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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