First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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