is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
