You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
