you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
