Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool