don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.