Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'