I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
