You made me cry and you don't even care
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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