he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
