After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
