So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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