Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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