I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
