My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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