we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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