Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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