living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
