I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
