I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
