this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
