Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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