I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
