I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
