At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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