do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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