Soap is not a condiment
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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