Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
