Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
