Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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