my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
