Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
