Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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