shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
