there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
