Pants 0. Shit 1.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
