he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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