The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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