i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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