you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
