Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
