he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize