We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
