I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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