There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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