I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
