new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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