I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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