I wish my penis had an off switch
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
