so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
